Finally, he was born, my beautiful 9lb baby boy I had prayed for, but alas it couldn’t be that easy. When it was my turn, I said, “Yeah, my baby is great, it’s me that’s having the identity crisis.” Well, being honest helped everyone really open up to talking about what they truly were going through. But I can only imagine how difficult it would be to have a newborn demanding attention when your own body is still trying to recover and your hormones still haven’t normalized, and you’re not getting any sleep. Please, ladies…. I’m 11 days in with my First Born and I have to say reading your blog made all the guilt melt away. doesn’t someone else want to hold him? And it’s okay if that takes time. Many moms report feeling as though they’d rather do things on their own with baby, even through the exhaustion, because at least that way, they’ll know it was done right. He has trapped wind and rarely sleeps, and wants to nurse all the time. Thanks so much for the post! I don't feel joy or love. I have a 3 month old son and I never thought being a stay-at-home was gonna suck so badly!! I remember being in the hospital and looking at my daughter laying in the little push crib and wondering what was wrong with me? I was deeply in love at the first sight of those cheesy little faces in the delivery room that being said I honestly had very low expectations. And with a two-year-old in hand?” I fluctuate. I blame the hormones honestly. And as fully aware and educated as I am I could not do anything about it. Oh, what a good “one liner” to say to new moms! And I was sure that the only reason I loved my 1st in teh end was because she was so fantastic, so bright and kind and generous and forgiving…how could i like another kid. I was one of those moms that while I was super committed to my firstborn and had strong maternal feelings for her didn’t actually feel the love and bonding feelings for her until she was about 5 months old. We respect everyone’s right to express their thoughts and opinions as long as they remain respectful of other community members, and meet What to Expect’s Terms of Use. A mother visited my class with a baby a few months old. Breastfeeding was such a a struggle to the point that when my husband would bring her to me to feed, I would groan with dread. Thanks for your perspective, Adam! We tried for SO long to get pregnant. Takes Picture With Her Baby. An older mom promised that I would get amnesia over that. You’ll get there eventually, but right now, sleep. I don’t think it took six months, but it definitely took some time for the shock of my first baby to wear off. new moms – hang in there and whether you love the baby stage like me or don’t, love pregnancy or don’t, or love any other stage or don’t… just remember that He has honored you with the gift of this precious life and all the cost is worth it in the end. i keep telling myself, when they are teenagers i won’t be able to get them to stop sleeping! You are doing an excellent job momma. People tell you you’ll be sleepy but in love, they don’t really portray the struggle and helplessness that occurs. , Very well written! I was terriefied of having another. It is so true! now, on the other hand, i am not wild about pregnancy and i don’t get the giddy feeling that many speak of even with the kicks… they kinda hurt. And it is because I have lived both extremes that some things are clearer to me. And, emphatically seconding the SLEEP suggestion! I had to sleep in another room so my husband could at least get some rest since there was nothing he could do to help. I love a newborn, but new motherhood didn’t come easily the first time around. Then, four months in, sleep seemed to come to a halt. Every meeting, God shows up and blind eyes and deaf ears are opened, diseases & tumors disappear,barren women get pregnant , creative miracles of missing organs and bones being restored take place, cripples walk, mental illness leaves, emotions are healed and souls are saved.the Ministry’s healing anointing is so strong that many are healed while they sit in the meeting. • Enjoy date nights while your baby is still immobile. It just is hard. Why couldn’t I have felt the same with my amazing firstborn? Denying your purest instincts (what you would like to do and how = having some sense of control and self-confidence) and also not having adequate support or companionship can also cause PND and lots of other factors. Sleep has been my priority! I know it will be such great encouragement to so many-it was to me still and my daughter is now 2. I had to. Make decisions that work for you & try to ignore the rest? Let everyone help wihh everything else but all of the nitty gritty needs to be Momma. And paranoia. had no way of showing appreciation! (And pray LOTS.). Sometimes you just have to put yourself first; it's not just good for you, it's good for everyone, and it does not make you a bad mother. contact us now via email: info.baginsfinancialhome@gmail.com. But you’re right, as the months went by it just got better and better . Create an account or log in to participate. I just hope this all starts to change soon (some people say after the first ultrasound) because this baby needs and deserves my love! I’ve had the opposite experience. God Bless You for writing this. I wish I had read a letter like this when my first baby was little… Such an encouraging post. I couldn’t wait to be everything “mom.” Then I got pregnant. Thank you for the reminder that, if it doesn’t, I won’t be alone. <3. I used to wonder at my Mum and sister talking about how as soon as they met him they felt this “rush of love” for him, because I didn’t feel that. But more people need to read letters like this to know that it is ok for those newborn days to suck…. However, thrown on top that was what I now believe was some ptsd from a very horrible c-section and the fact that my husband left for a deployment when our son was only 6 weeks old. He is a parent just like you! People often ask us, when they find out how many kids we have, what the hardest number to transition to was as parents. I’ll remember that one. I am one of those moms who wakes up before her children, normally. In the first few months of my firstborn’s life, I felt like my life was over. So hard to fall asleep. When I read this, I literally started crying. I hope I can enjoy every moment of my little guys early days because I know they go so fast and you can’t get them back. where she shares stuff she either created herself or loved from others. I wish I could say the same for his big sister. And I feel energized again! I’m due any day now and although I’m totally ready for the pregnancy to be over, I don’t really feel anything towards the baby. Funny. Paranoid too. Older babies are generally easier to care for, and having more experience made me a better mother. To me it looks like you're trying, and as new moms, that's all we can do, try. It’s so important that new moms get lots of positive encouragement, even if it’s a simple “you’re doing a great job with that baby!”, You can read my story here: http://www.yoursouthernpeach.com/2010/08/words-of-encouragement-to-new-mom.html?m=1. I felt like I wasn’t meant to be a mother. I lived from Mothers’ Group meeting to Mothers’ Group meeting. I put my faith in God and in my doctors and counselor and everything turned out beautifully in the end. You have to supplement with formula. It seemed to come out of the blue and was very scary for me. I think so many suffer from the let down after childbirth because we are not prepared for how incredible hard it is. This time we know better to go into it with preconceived ideas. All that to say, if you have a colicky or medically needy baby, give yourself extra extra grace and know that even for us, it gets tons better. I think maybe it’s a personality issue. Very true. I first read this post and bawled. You are making it through each day and that is a big accomplishment in itself. I actually felt it worse with my second and now realize I probably had a mild PPD, but thankfully I had a well established support system with the second, so friends were always checking on us, making sure I had reason to get out of the house, holding the baby, watching my older son, etc. LOL, Yeah TOTALLY wish this was out there when I had my baby 15 months ago. It has gotten easier, but I’m still not where I think I should be. I can’t even get my mom to sympathize. Otherwise, a nice post. Part of me wished she would die of SIDS so I would not have to be a mother but would not be my fault if she died. That I’ll never again be able to use the bathroom in peace, or read a book during daylight hours. I had to go back to work rather quickly both times and most likely soon after this one (I’m 32 weeks pregnant with baby #3). I’m commenting regarding an email I’ve sent you but haven’t heard back about. Toddlerhood has not bee an easy journey for us, especially the last two months, and I find myself missing the newborn days. Saved your article to re-read in the weeks ahead and reassure myself that it’s OK if everything doesn’t live up to the glitter and glamor! I don’t know if I’ll love it or just merely try to survive it – thank you so much for sharing this. Was I immature (I was 27 but that means nothing). After reading books and taking classes, you expect to be excited about motherhood. I don’t know what to do .. i have not left the house since, except to take her to the doctor.. ok gtg.. dont want hubby to read this .. lol .. he’s hovering…. But you need to have support right now and you need to rest and just take things one day at a time. If you're bfing he can do a diaper change or two at night, even if he has to work! * Life is full of different seasons – babies grow & one day you won’t be changing nappies. And I quickly had a 3rd. Now my new boss (my lil baby) is mad at me no matter what I do, expects me every minute of every day to please him and most def. But the letter and most of the comments resonate with me. The thing is we aren't bad we are learning. I did not trust myself to stay sane through it. It truly does re-define motherhood once you’ve experienced those first few trying months, doesn’t it? Now, almost 5 years after he came home, I love him more than I ever thought possible…and, I don’t really remember what it was like to not have kids. I loved this. My husband as well. But here’s thing: If you were truly a bad mom, you wouldn’t care. Tsh, Thank you so much for this article! not all new moms ‘birth new life’ and some women’s bodies did not ‘perform what it was made to do’, but they’re no less superheroes and it’s no less a miracle. I’m sure this post will be a source of comfort to many. Probably should’ve had the baby back home. It was a little shocking to hear that but I was prepared not to feel overwhelming love right away. I think the fact that new moms hang in there, keep taking care of this tiny, wrinkled, demanding little soul even when they themselves are struggling – well, that *is* love, whether it looks like the Hallmark version or not. But while I was bonded and felt love right after, I ended up having extreme anxiety about my childs welfare. Newborns are a TON of work and very little sleep. I guess if you are nursing it kind of ends up that way. Asking for help was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. Thank you for that Elizabeth. What more can I do? Its the only thing I’ve ever really wanted. Can I really go through that all over again? I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old, and the 2 month old is harder than our first one was… I needed to read this! I kept wondering what I had done wrong and why I was such a “bad” mother with #2 (and she wasn’t even born yet!). And its a baby girl. We were given a great miracle and became pregnant for our wonderful son after two years of trying. You’re still a fantastic mom. You're not a wreck. Or, that something was very wrong with me. Wow – it’s really sad that the new mommies around me are all so fake! I love her deeply, but I feel guilty that I don’t have that connection like I did with my son. With the PPD part highlighted. And could imagine having a second. And she was so affected by my tension. I see my family crying happy tears and I’m happy to see their joy, but can’t feel it myself. Furthermore, a group of prenatal psychologists also assure that, besides feeling its mother’s emotions, a baby also perceives her thoughts that influence the baby in a certain way. Shouldn’t I also love my daughter? Not to mention a very clueless husband. Guilt? I now have a two and a half year old and I’m getting ready to deliver my second (third if you count my miscarriage) in a few weeks. But talk to your doctor there are good medications out there. It didn’t help that he was a CRYER. I will tell you as a soon to be mom of 3, ages 3 and under who works full time, I still don’t get up before my kids. Though my experiences with my 4 babies was really positive, it is a great reminder that it’s not true for everyone & to be supportive of everyone & each situation. Since I could remember all I’ve wanted to be was a mother. • Unsecured Lines of Credit • Cash Advance Financing I couldn’t fathom having a second. Like earlier commenters said, somehow our hearts soften more and more. I will keep you in my prayers. All the other moms seemed to be enjoying their babies and I had days I contemplated sending him back to the hospital. Are you sure you want to delete your comment? Thank you. It took God changing my heart, cancelling the vasectomy, welcoming more children, and now with our fourth baby due in a couple of weeks, motherhood is the best, sweetest job on the planet. I didn’t love the early days. I wish I had a time machine and could have a do over after having read this and all the inspirational blogs that make me feel totally normal now. I know breastfeeding is very important to some (was to me) but if you are having problems with depression now chances are you will later. swaddle? I tried to ignore it and downplay it at first, but when it began to affect my ability to take care of my 1st child, I knew that I needed to seek help. Love this post, wish I could send it back in time to myself right after my first was born. Breast feeding or your own mental health and well being, and how far you are willing to go with each. I didn't want to see anyone else. We just keep reminding ourselves that it’s a stage of the journey we will get through, just keep going one step at a time and enjoy all the smiles and cuddles as much as we can! I certainly have not slept since she’s been born. Most days. Who knew??). Once again I mourned for the dreams I had for my child. If not, eventually the kids will grow up and you will be free Personally, I now appreciate newborn stage for its simplicity, toddlerhood for its exciting exploration, pre-school years for the easy compliant attitude, school years because I love watching little minds expand…suddenly I like kids (I do draw the line at teenagers though :D). He is the happiest baby, he loves people and he is growing. I keep seeing all these new mums that are super excited meanwhile I’m sitting here wondering will it ever get better. There can never be too many of those. I don't think I would be here today if wasn't for her. You captured my feelings perfectly. I love my kids and would give my life for them, but it is not easy, its a lifelong career. I just feel that you described me! By the birth of my third, I actually enjoyed it (though I’ll be honest and say that in my opinion, the older the kids get, the more fun they are). 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2020 i feel like a bad mother to my newborn